man

¹    [man]  Show IPA noun, plural men, verb,manned, man·ning, interjection

noun

1.

an adult male person, as distinguished from a boy or a woman.

2.

a member of the species Homo sapiens  or all the members of this species collectively, without regard to sex: prehistoricman.

3.

the human individual as representing the species, without reference to sex; the human race; humankind: Man hopes for peace, but prepares for war.

4.

a human being; person: to give a man a chance; When theaudience smelled the smoke, it was every man for himself.

5.

a husband.

I am no apologist for modern man.  Male-Chauvinism is lost on me, and it's practitioners are mouth-breathing wastes of neural tissue, but Feminism has an equally disturbing tendency to be it's opposite number.  I will not support either one.  I submit to you that there is great disparity between how we define Men and Women, and what is accepted from those whom we consider Men and Women.  This is where we are failing each-other.  Culturally, there are too many conflicting paradigms and socially, there are too many ridiculous distractions and ambiguities.  Why is it so difficult to agree on what makes a Man/Woman?  For starters, the colloquial definitions of Man and Woman are as complicated as any subject that exists.  Open your laptop or walk through a check out line at a supermarket if you doubt me.  All of it is Garbage, but the point is clear.  The problem multiplies exponentially, across every possible plane of argument.  To begin to address the problem I believe we have to Identify it's true source, and redefine that which we expect or aspire to achieve as Men and Women in Our society.  A Man is not a male of a certain age, or stature.  That distinction should be earned from superiors and peers, out of mutual respect, and should not be the exception to the norm.  A Man is an Adult male whose understanding of life and his interactions with others are just as, if not more important than his self interest.  Let's identify, recognize, and supporting those traits which, combined create what we consider the example of a Man.  Is that not what we hope to do?  For a culture that's lost it's way to greed, laziness, and complacency, I don't see how we can go forward without redefining the roles of our respective components, and rebuilding that which we have destroyed.  Humankind has always asked the questions "What and why are we?"  High time we decided.  

I promise to strive to live my life fully, and without regrets.

First Workout at The Shackle

Yesterday I dropped off the face of what has been known to me as the safe little world I've been living in,  and invited my friends to come to my future place of business, The Anchor Shackle, to work out.  It was a small group of us, and people trickled in and stayed a while, and we worked out together, and it was great.  So happy that I decided to do this no matter what.  I have the support of my family, and friends (they're family too) and I am truly happy, if a little scared of what might be.  Yesterday was a Great Day, in spite of all the other stuff that may have been going on.  Today is a new day, and my friend Grace is ok, if not perfect, and that is enough for me.  My loved ones and I are alive and well enough to fight another day, and there is promise of new adventure on the horizon.  I can't wait to see what happens next...
Thank you Lord!

Ripples

It was an IHOP alone-in-uniform kind of morning. As I was eating my breakfast a young couple with two little girls, (all curls and big, beautiful, bright eyes,) slipped into the booth behind me. I tried not to, but I began to catch snippets of conversation.

The little one sneezed and I blessed her without thinking.

Realizing I was intruding I resolved to return my attention to the task at hand but I couldn't help overhearing his patient and gentle explanations. What was on the kids' menu. Reading the "fun facts," aloud.  Quietly talking with his female companion...I haven't any idea if they were married, dating, or even the parents of those children, though it seems I heard the word Daddy once... 

The children were very well behaved, and their little voices stung like pin-prick reminders of my own little ones. I was deeply moved, and resolved to tell them I appreciated what I'd heard (embarrassed for my eavesdropping or no.)

My waitress was especially nice, and took great care to check on me and make me feel welcome, (she must have sensed something. Who knows?)  I had thought I'd just been polite, but in retrospect I may have been transparent as the windows.  I had been smiling at the memory, but the little sweethearts next door had brought to mind that my girls and I would have been there together any other Sunday and by all rights they should and would have been.  But for a string of bad luck with the esteemed former wife's transportation last weekend, (I'd pulled duty this one.)  

At any rate, I had resolved to act.  In this day and age, too few Men understand fatherhood and its true calling and I wasn't about to let it go unnoticed.

When I stood, I excused myself and told them "I have two young daughters myself, and I'd just like to say that I really appreciate hearing how patient and attentive you've been with these two. I'd like to buy you breakfast if I may." They protested politely, but I caught the gentelman's eye when I asked again, emphasizing that it was important to me. He relented, and I thanked them both and wished them a wonderful day.

On my way out the door I asked their server for the ticket, and there was a small fuss as I paid and departed, but I wasn't prepared for what came next.

As I drove away I was overcome. I very nearly wept. Having already turned onto the highway that would have been disastrous, so I managed control and wondered at how much it had affected me. I was glad for the short ride home.

I suppose I am late admitting I don't know the depths of my emotion with regard to the grievous wrong that is my separation from my children. I have yet to grasp what justification, real or imagined, anyone could invent for visiting this on me, or some others I've known.  I may have been difficult to deal with, or downright impossible to love but one thing I have never been is an unworthy, or unloving father, and I've been completely open about the depth of my devotion to my children. The revelation that someone so close to me could misread or disregard something so utterly essential to my existence only serves to underscore the poor decision I made in trusting or loving her.  I am not burdened by comparable feelings for her, as I'm not sure I would have survived that.  I know now why men are driven to terrible things when heartbroken, or lost, and I thank God I was only the former and not the latter.  I would have been undone.
I am still broken...
I am still incomplete and bitter...and I am lonely. I know this cannot be remedied.
I am not ready.
I do not and have not ached for Her, but the pain of distance between the children and I ebbs and flows with my thoughts, day and night.  I do my best not to wonder what failure in my judgement could have lead to this.  It is my one regret...

Broken hearts, unbreakable spirits.

What we experience in life and love innoculates us against weakness in the face of the as yet unencountered and unknowable.  These are physical, and psychological.  The pain of alienation and struggle through subsequent surrender we experience in our relationship with God is born of the same purpose.  We cannot be overcome by our fears of inadequacy and unworthiness after we realize what we have been given.  God allows us to be completely immersed in their implications, and then frees us from them to serve His purpose much greater than ourselves or our expectations of the world.
Perhaps our inability to grasp the vastness of the universe and our equally futile attempts to understand the incomprehensible depths of our own selves is reflective and gifted proof from God of his presence.

Loneliness

I think it may only to be possible to be as lonely as you've ever been happy.  I suppose that is unfortunate for those of us who've been truly happy and joyful in our lives because it leaves us so much farther to fall, but when we are down, perhaps we'll remember that, and it will make us feel better.  Sure would be nice to hope so...