November 21 2009
I find lately I'm preoccupied with loneliness. I don't know if it's directly related to my situation but I figure most of it's to do with state of mind and distance from loved ones. Place and time has no bearing on my mind unless I let it, I know, but I let it sometimes so loneliness flows easily. Any progress I'd made toward optimism is usually lost. (smile)
Somehow it catches me blindside. I've never decided to be melancholy, it's just suddenly I am. Which has been a blessing and a curse. Melancholy is a favorite word and atmosphere, but hardly a favorite mood. Thankfully I'm well-equipped to deal with this insidious problem. Since my attention span is slightly shorter than the lifespan of the trace amounts of unstable subatomic particles drifting around in my bloodstream, I can be happily on about my business in the blink of an eye.
It would be nice to be able to enjoy my own company again, for more than a day or two. I used to enjoy being alone, but now it gets to me pretty quickly.
Of course it's a setup for failure going to the places I've been. The middle of the woods, somewhere near a river would surely resonate differently than the cities and deserts I've found myself surrounded by. There's no peace, just anxiety and dissonance.
I find lately I'm preoccupied with loneliness. I don't know if it's directly related to my situation but I figure most of it's to do with state of mind and distance from loved ones. Place and time has no bearing on my mind unless I let it, I know, but I let it sometimes so loneliness flows easily. Any progress I'd made toward optimism is usually lost. (smile)
Somehow it catches me blindside. I've never decided to be melancholy, it's just suddenly I am. Which has been a blessing and a curse. Melancholy is a favorite word and atmosphere, but hardly a favorite mood. Thankfully I'm well-equipped to deal with this insidious problem. Since my attention span is slightly shorter than the lifespan of the trace amounts of unstable subatomic particles drifting around in my bloodstream, I can be happily on about my business in the blink of an eye.
It would be nice to be able to enjoy my own company again, for more than a day or two. I used to enjoy being alone, but now it gets to me pretty quickly.
Of course it's a setup for failure going to the places I've been. The middle of the woods, somewhere near a river would surely resonate differently than the cities and deserts I've found myself surrounded by. There's no peace, just anxiety and dissonance.
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