Trying not to hate

I've never known how difficult it was to try not to hate someone.  I thought it might be just another inconvenient memory, but I find it a constant battle not to bear a grudge for the first time in my life. Bitterness.
I've done nothing wrong.  I'm suddenly without the most important people in my life, and they are without me.  I find this increasingly unacceptable, but I am not sure if there's anything I can do about it, which makes this all the more difficult.  I don't do helpless.
The pitter-patter of little feet and the shrill voices are not here.  No proxy is enough.  I shouldn't be, cannot be content with that.  Nobody knows how long I've worked to be with them every day.  The stability I'd finally found snatched from under us like a table cloth in a bad magic trick.  Despicable.  Everything is shifted out of place.  She doesn't seem to understand or care.  The worst part is not to be known.