Best Friends

Ok, think of all of the qualifications you'd dream up, if for whatever reason there were suddenly a requirement to outline and search for a Best Friend.

What would be the first thing you'd hold as a priority?  How would your list look?  What would the underlying theme be?

I was thinking about this in the context of a few other things and realized that if we compared the I wants to the actualities in our friends, I don't imagine there'd be a single correlative in the first ten.  Let me give you an example.  Let's just say the first thing you decide is that you want to meet someone bold, self-reliant, and rakishly charming so that you can go out and get into loads of interesting adventures together.
The reality stares you in the face on weekends, and he's ill-groomed, with a tendency to scratch unmentionable body parts in public, and clams up tighter than a bank vault around beautiful, (or in fact any) women.
Is this what you would have looked for?  Of course not, and yet you've been best friends forever, and maybe you wouldn't change that for the world.
Let's consider the same thing for husbands and wives.  Was one of the first things on your list someone you'd have to constantly watch out for, and occasionally hold their hair back while they vomit because even at thirty something they have a tendency to allow people to goad them into drinking more than they should?  Would you have listed someone whose financial decisions make you cringe at the very mention of a dollar sign?
Then why the hell do we fall for these people?
More importantly, if Darwin, Dawkins, and all the other sychophant evolutionist circle-jerkers are correct, then why the hell do people like this even exist anymore?  Shouldn't they have been rendered extinct with all the other genetic waste we've shed over the years?  Why do we still produce leeches, trolls, malingerers, and fakes?