In love?

11/14/10 
I've been thinking again, which, if memory serves is probably a bad thing.  But for better or worse, here goes.

In love, we're not looking for the person who makes us feel wildly energetic, although that's wonderful, and we're not looking for the person who makes the fireworks go off in our heads when they talk.  It may be more about not feeling alone with this specific person.  To experience a bond that allows you to just be, and know that all is well.

A wise person once told me it seemed we were all looking for someone to bear witness to our life.  I know it seems selfish, until you think about it in terms of a pact, or an agreement.  Sort of an I will not allow your life to go un-celebrated, if you will do the same for me.  After all, we celebrate the wonders of every day far too infrequently.      

I wonder if I'll ever know that feeling.  I have known a lot of people in my life, but I've never known someone who understood me.  I've never known someone who wasn't always trying to guess my next thought.  Or maybe I've just felt that way.  What I'm really looking for is someone who doesn't worry about what I'm thinking, and who lives fully, but enjoys being with me too.  Someone who intrigues and incites my curiosity, but whom I don't feel I need to constantly wonder about either.

Modern life is something akin to the impression of a large empty room with vaulted ceilings into which we repeatedly call, "Are you there?" and never quite dare to expect a reply.  

Although we may dream of a lilted response in some bedroom voice or exotic accent, perhaps a simple "Yes" is the most important thing of all.  To be heard and understood.  To be Understood and loved, is the most rare of all because it requires a level of involvement that simply cannot be simulated or contrived.  How far should I go to find simplicity when I've already had something wonderful that I couldn't accept for fear of responsibility and the unknowns that come with another 10 years' living?  Was it a mistake?  As ever, I can only move forward into that space and do what I can to make it a good place to be.